My writing goals for May:
1. Definitely do more than just one crit, for heaven’s sake!
2. Nail down a couple of research questions to help me get Chapter One true to the time, and get off my butt and write it, for heaven’s sake.
3. Blog more than once a month, for heaven’s sake! (Although with six blogs, I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. I will try to spend more time in my writing blog, however, because that’s always the last one I turn to. Probably because I am so ashamed of my lack of progress in the writing department!!!)
4. Stop feeling so guilty, for heaven’s sake!
Can you feel the frustration???
So I was catching up in my online writers’ group, and I always try to keep up with the goal-setting. At the beginning of the month, we list our goals (see above), then in mid-month and at the end of the month, we assess how we’ve done and put a nice big checkmark next to our accomplishments.
I popped in today for my slightly late mid-month reckoning, and proceeded to list all the librarian things I have coming up that will surely eat away at my writing time, like I’m setting things up so that when the end of month report time is nigh, I’ll have my excuses already in place. Pathetic. I didn’t really notice how pathetic I was being until after I posted my message, of course. Then I read my first post, the one stating my goals, and I thought, too pathetic. Really, how many times must I invoke God’s address? What’s my problem? Am I the only one with a ton of life getting in the way of my writing? NO. So stop being such a baby, Mo. Sheesh.
But I’ve seen my own daughter do a similar thing. She complained of a sore ankle before track and field tryouts, and I recognized her ploy. The excuse was in play so that if she didn’t make the cut, she could blame her ankle. What did I tell her? I said, “Listen, I don’t want you to try out if your ankle is hurt, so don’t risk further injury running and jumping on it.” To which she replied that her ankle wasn’t “that bad.” So then I told her to forget the excuses. “You have to give it your best then, and don’t set yourself up with sore ankles and other imaginary problems. At the end of the day, you should go to sleep knowing you tried your hardest. Aim high, have fun, and remember we’re proud of you whether you make the team or not.” So she tried out and she made the team, no excuses. I hope she doesn’t spend a lifetime making excuses like her mom!
Another thing I’ve noticed is how much I beat up on myself online and at home when it comes to my writing. Honestly, I didn’t realize just how defensive I have become since I’ve returned to my group — until now. Thankfully, my friends have been most supportive and encouraging. I have been told not to be so hard on myself, but I wonder, am I beating myself up to protect myself. I mean, is it just a pathetic defense mechanism, berating myself before anyone else can? (Not that any of these nice folks would do such a thing.) I should give my head a shake.
OK, so my (ahem) other goal from now on is to stop bellyaching about all the crazy stuff going on and just say one of two things:
- It was a tough month, and I was pretty busy, but on the positive side this or that got done.
- It was a great month, and I am happy to report that this or that got done.
In a couple of weeks, I am going to post my end of month report, and I am going to choose one of those sentences. I am not going to make pathetic excuses. I am going to give it my best, and if I miss the bar, I am going to brush the dust off my bum, get up, and try again next month. I am going to aim high, have fun, and be proud of what I managed to accomplish. And I am going to sleep like a baby, no guilt, no worries. After all, I gave it my best shot. No excuses.
